Monday, July 17, 2006
This is my new blog.. It's kinda funny.. Everytime when i'm down or really struck by something that upsets me, i will start a blog.. Maybe because there's no where else for me to drown my sorrows except here.. When things turn better, i might just stop writing.. But i hope i wont cuz it's bad to do so..
Recently, I became abit emotional.. I dunno whether izzit influence or due to stress.. i guess it's the latter.. all projects are coming up.. i got so many things on hand that i hafen complete.. I have bus enterprise, DPD, fashion and many more to do.. ARGH!! I cant take it anymore!! i hate projects!!! They are getting on my nerves.. Maybe it's due to stress that makes me to become a bit emotional.. N i think recently many things haf happened.. I suddenly got this thinking.. M i a pest? How come everyone starts to show attitude to me? Or izzit i think too much? But i dun like this feeling at all.. I really dont.. Alright.. Perharps you would want to know what happened.. let me list them..
Lets start from home.. My stupid computer is giving problems AGAIN!!! I cannot log into my profile.. All my data is trapped.. Lucky i had them saved in my thumbdrive but it's really frustrating.. I called ACER up for help BUT they are 24/7 engaged.. What the.. I really feel very angry!! What kind of stupid service is this? GRRRR!!!! But the lucky thing is that, i still can use it to do my project using my sister account.. Phew!! or else i seriously will tear down the entire ACER building..
Next, move onto work.. Recently, i had problems with one of my colleague.. i shall not mention name but some will know who that person is after reading.. This particular colleague, lets call A. last time, A used to be on good terms with me. i gotta know A better during work.. A is nice and fun to chat with.. i always enjoy chatting with A. A is also my eye candy btw. but, recently, i sense that his attitude towards me had changed.. take it as i'm paranoid. but i jus haf this feeling that he had some misunderstanding towards me. last time, he used to suan n lame with me. but recently, he seems to refuse to talk to me. the first time when it happen, i ask him, "eh, why today you so quiet?" he replied cuz he's in a bad mood. alright, so i left him along. after then, he did talked to me but it dropped to jus hi, bye n smile. weird.. but til yesterday, when i worked with him again, he showed attitude. when i reach e stall, i saw him. i wanted to say hi but he did not look at me so i waited. but after he's done with his work, he stand aside and not facing me(usually he will stand/sit beside me). i sense unfriendliness. then when a girl drop her cap into e pond, i ask him to help. last time when such thing happen, he will joke and ask me to take it myself. but yest, he asked me who dropped it in a very harsh tone and buay song face. I began to sense things going really wrong. then, when he help to pick up e cap, he smile so brightly to e gal. when he return to my side, he immediately changed back to his buay song attitude. this really pissed me!!! I can seriously feel something's wrong. So, when he decided to close e turtle thingy, i really cannot take it anymore. I slammed the stupid cover and i walked off. I dun care if he can see that i'm angry or wat. I really am. I was so bloody pissed off that I think my fiery thermometer shot to e top. then later after dinner, i talked to one of my other colleague. she too felt it's weird. SO, i decided!! If next week he's going to continue show attitude to me, i'm going to ask him. Ask him what's wrong and why is he showing such attitude to me? I wanna clear things up. I dun want to leave my workplace with someone having hatred towards me. N, i treat him as a fren. It jus like if my fren do this to me, i will do e same by probing. You may think i'm stubborn. YES I M!! It's my principle. I want to know all reasons if a person dislike or attitude me. If it's my fault, i apologise. If it's not, at least i know it's not and i will definitely leave e person alone. I WANNA KNOW THE REASON!!!!! I DUN CARE!!!
Now, move onto friends.. SEE? i told you i got many things to pour out. Okay. first starting with jingmin. I was seriously sorry and upset when i read her blog. I admit i was forgettful to remind her i'm not meeting peixuan(she wanted to join us). I did not know it affected her so much til i read her blog. I quickly sms her and apologise. Although she replied nvm, but i still feel bad. Haiz.. I know she's havin bad days recently and i added onto it. So sorry!! I dun mean it!!! Haiz.. after this, the above incident happened. add onto my feelings. i began to wonder. M i a bad fren or person? Why i seem to be making everyone sad n angry? Why why?? why m i so insensitive to hurt ppl? I'm sorry.. I really felt very very bad. Haiz.. With all e mixed feelings etc, i still hafta continue my projs.. Sian..
Today, while doing my project, i wandered to friendster. HEhe.. breather ma.. Then i saw new uploaded photos. I saw the photos uploaded in colleen friendster. They(shufen, colleen n jess) went to billy bombers on sat. I wasnt invited. in the photos, they look really happy n seems to enjoy themselves alot.. i m really upset.. We used to be a clique and we are really happy together.. but after hols, we drifted or i should i drifted from them. I was pretty upset by this fact quite some time back(long story, dun wish to mention. Only some ppl will know). But last last fri after going out with them, i felt really happy.. i can feel some closeness with them.. i'm really happy.. but today aft seeing the photos, i began to wonder.. izzit jus one sided thing.. maybe to them, i m jus a fren as in normal level 1 fren.. i wasnt invited to join them.. i feel sad.. n after reading colleen testi to shufen n jess, i feel useless.. colleen, one of my close fren was experiencing bad times yet i wasnt by her side.. i feel really bad.. plus all e photos i saw, i think they three are really a clique.. i dun think they remember me.. i know i miss them alot but i dun think i got any more chance to join them.. its my fault.. who ask me to drift from them.. n.. recently when i talk to my best fren jess, i got this feeling that she dun really enjoy talking to me lidat.. her replies are all short and i dunno how to explain.. jus got this feeling.. i feel sad.. i think i'm losing her as a fren too.. she's my best fren..
i dunno what had happened.. but i jus feel that i'm a lousy person n fren.. everyone dun like me.. i really feel very xin gu!! i wanna shout out all my feelings!!! I need someone to help me.. i feel like crying.. i actually did.. i dunno.. i really feel that i m a useless and pest on earth.. i feel that everyone might be happy if i dun go near them etc.. ARGH!!!! i dunno!! I cannot take it anymore!! i wanna cry out loud.. i feel very terrible!!! i need a bad cry n i really do.. can someone help mE??? i wanna cry but i know i cant cuz i know if i do, i might scare my ah ma n my dad who's at home with me now.. pls.. linda.. control urself.. maybe i'm thinking too much..
i hope i am and to all mentioned in the blog, do not be affected by this post.. i just need somewhere to vent my feelings.. i still love you all..
Recently, I became abit emotional.. I dunno whether izzit influence or due to stress.. i guess it's the latter.. all projects are coming up.. i got so many things on hand that i hafen complete.. I have bus enterprise, DPD, fashion and many more to do.. ARGH!! I cant take it anymore!! i hate projects!!! They are getting on my nerves.. Maybe it's due to stress that makes me to become a bit emotional.. N i think recently many things haf happened.. I suddenly got this thinking.. M i a pest? How come everyone starts to show attitude to me? Or izzit i think too much? But i dun like this feeling at all.. I really dont.. Alright.. Perharps you would want to know what happened.. let me list them..
Lets start from home.. My stupid computer is giving problems AGAIN!!! I cannot log into my profile.. All my data is trapped.. Lucky i had them saved in my thumbdrive but it's really frustrating.. I called ACER up for help BUT they are 24/7 engaged.. What the.. I really feel very angry!! What kind of stupid service is this? GRRRR!!!! But the lucky thing is that, i still can use it to do my project using my sister account.. Phew!! or else i seriously will tear down the entire ACER building..
Next, move onto work.. Recently, i had problems with one of my colleague.. i shall not mention name but some will know who that person is after reading.. This particular colleague, lets call A. last time, A used to be on good terms with me. i gotta know A better during work.. A is nice and fun to chat with.. i always enjoy chatting with A. A is also my eye candy btw. but, recently, i sense that his attitude towards me had changed.. take it as i'm paranoid. but i jus haf this feeling that he had some misunderstanding towards me. last time, he used to suan n lame with me. but recently, he seems to refuse to talk to me. the first time when it happen, i ask him, "eh, why today you so quiet?" he replied cuz he's in a bad mood. alright, so i left him along. after then, he did talked to me but it dropped to jus hi, bye n smile. weird.. but til yesterday, when i worked with him again, he showed attitude. when i reach e stall, i saw him. i wanted to say hi but he did not look at me so i waited. but after he's done with his work, he stand aside and not facing me(usually he will stand/sit beside me). i sense unfriendliness. then when a girl drop her cap into e pond, i ask him to help. last time when such thing happen, he will joke and ask me to take it myself. but yest, he asked me who dropped it in a very harsh tone and buay song face. I began to sense things going really wrong. then, when he help to pick up e cap, he smile so brightly to e gal. when he return to my side, he immediately changed back to his buay song attitude. this really pissed me!!! I can seriously feel something's wrong. So, when he decided to close e turtle thingy, i really cannot take it anymore. I slammed the stupid cover and i walked off. I dun care if he can see that i'm angry or wat. I really am. I was so bloody pissed off that I think my fiery thermometer shot to e top. then later after dinner, i talked to one of my other colleague. she too felt it's weird. SO, i decided!! If next week he's going to continue show attitude to me, i'm going to ask him. Ask him what's wrong and why is he showing such attitude to me? I wanna clear things up. I dun want to leave my workplace with someone having hatred towards me. N, i treat him as a fren. It jus like if my fren do this to me, i will do e same by probing. You may think i'm stubborn. YES I M!! It's my principle. I want to know all reasons if a person dislike or attitude me. If it's my fault, i apologise. If it's not, at least i know it's not and i will definitely leave e person alone. I WANNA KNOW THE REASON!!!!! I DUN CARE!!!
Now, move onto friends.. SEE? i told you i got many things to pour out. Okay. first starting with jingmin. I was seriously sorry and upset when i read her blog. I admit i was forgettful to remind her i'm not meeting peixuan(she wanted to join us). I did not know it affected her so much til i read her blog. I quickly sms her and apologise. Although she replied nvm, but i still feel bad. Haiz.. I know she's havin bad days recently and i added onto it. So sorry!! I dun mean it!!! Haiz.. after this, the above incident happened. add onto my feelings. i began to wonder. M i a bad fren or person? Why i seem to be making everyone sad n angry? Why why?? why m i so insensitive to hurt ppl? I'm sorry.. I really felt very very bad. Haiz.. With all e mixed feelings etc, i still hafta continue my projs.. Sian..
Today, while doing my project, i wandered to friendster. HEhe.. breather ma.. Then i saw new uploaded photos. I saw the photos uploaded in colleen friendster. They(shufen, colleen n jess) went to billy bombers on sat. I wasnt invited. in the photos, they look really happy n seems to enjoy themselves alot.. i m really upset.. We used to be a clique and we are really happy together.. but after hols, we drifted or i should i drifted from them. I was pretty upset by this fact quite some time back(long story, dun wish to mention. Only some ppl will know). But last last fri after going out with them, i felt really happy.. i can feel some closeness with them.. i'm really happy.. but today aft seeing the photos, i began to wonder.. izzit jus one sided thing.. maybe to them, i m jus a fren as in normal level 1 fren.. i wasnt invited to join them.. i feel sad.. n after reading colleen testi to shufen n jess, i feel useless.. colleen, one of my close fren was experiencing bad times yet i wasnt by her side.. i feel really bad.. plus all e photos i saw, i think they three are really a clique.. i dun think they remember me.. i know i miss them alot but i dun think i got any more chance to join them.. its my fault.. who ask me to drift from them.. n.. recently when i talk to my best fren jess, i got this feeling that she dun really enjoy talking to me lidat.. her replies are all short and i dunno how to explain.. jus got this feeling.. i feel sad.. i think i'm losing her as a fren too.. she's my best fren..
i dunno what had happened.. but i jus feel that i'm a lousy person n fren.. everyone dun like me.. i really feel very xin gu!! i wanna shout out all my feelings!!! I need someone to help me.. i feel like crying.. i actually did.. i dunno.. i really feel that i m a useless and pest on earth.. i feel that everyone might be happy if i dun go near them etc.. ARGH!!!! i dunno!! I cannot take it anymore!! i wanna cry out loud.. i feel very terrible!!! i need a bad cry n i really do.. can someone help mE??? i wanna cry but i know i cant cuz i know if i do, i might scare my ah ma n my dad who's at home with me now.. pls.. linda.. control urself.. maybe i'm thinking too much..
i hope i am and to all mentioned in the blog, do not be affected by this post.. i just need somewhere to vent my feelings.. i still love you all..
what we could have been, 3:39 PM.
